Still waiting…

Hi guys,

I wrote in last weeks goals post that some of my goals were to spend some time “finding” myself. I had put them into the relationships category of my goals, because I’ve come to the conclusion that my non-existent love life probably stems from me not really being ready or knowing myself properly, so therefore send out all the wrong signals, so spending a little time getting to know me might help me “get to know” someone else. And I do stand by what I wrote last week.

However, taking time to be alone and single and wait for “the one” to get his arse in gear and show his face is all well and good, but I do have some major issues with this plan.

First off, I am not a patient person . Waiting is not something I am good at. Never has been. So waiting for something that may happen at some undetermined point in the future really is actually quite difficult.

Secondly, I am terrified.

If you ask me what it is I want in life, my honest answer is not “to have lots of money” or “have a successful career”, it’s to be loved. And not loved in the way that you’re by your mother or father or brother. I want that special, butterflies in your stomach, tingly, one of a kind love you get from loving that someone special.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.

I am terrified that I will live the entirety of my life without feeling of joy that I see my friends in relationships have.

I know the likely of that happening is actually pretty slim, but it’s a niggly wee voice in the back of my head, rabbiting away in the quiet moments. And it does get to you after a while.

But I am determined to ignore it, and get on with living my life, and believe wholeheartedly that when I least expect him, “the one” will come wandering around the corner, and maybe we’ll have the romantic movie meeting with the bumping and the music dropping and the magical eye contact. Gives me a reason for dropping my music all the time. I’m not clumsy, just trying to find me a man.

My Goals for 2017

Hi guys,

New year, new me, right? That’s how the saying goes, isn’t it? I think it works better as Old year, Old problems. I see the New Year as more of a time to reset and leave the bad things behind,  than as a time to add more new “better” things to the pile of things going on in my life, without dealing with and getting rid of any issues accrued over the past year. Focussing on improving things, without reviewing or refreshing, seems a little counter-intuitive to me, because all you’re really doing is leaving the bad things to fester and sour, and come up and bite you in the arse at some point throughout your new year, meaning that all those “improvements” you’ve made will all go to waste. You’ve brought your old problems into the new year, so that new you is pretty much the same as old you, right?

That being said, you do need some good things to add in and look forward to, otherwise we’d all just be sitting complaining that we’re getting nowhere and life is shit, and who in their right mind wants that? Not me anyway.

Goal setting does have its benefits, and it’s fun, so I do enjoy setting a few wee goals here and there. It’s a nice little guide that gives you an idea of how you’d like your year to go and the path you’d like to follow. For me, though, goal setting does tend to just be a five-minute exercise that I forget about like an hour later and so spend the rest of the year just wandering about aimlessly, feeling lost, confused and like I’m not really getting anywhere.

But no more!

This year,  this 2017, I am making plans I intend to stick to. I’m telling you guys about them, so hopefully you guys can guilt trip me into keeping to them. I have a feeling that it’s something I really can do this year.

Career

1. Do my vocal warm up exercises every day.

2. Have music off copy after the second week learning it.

I sometimes find myself to be a bit of a contradiction; I want to be the best and to work hard and do well,  but never ever seem to find the motivation to put in the work required to achieve these things. I spend little time in the practice room, and then wonder why I get no better, then spend every day in a practice room, get better, have an epiphany, and then just slip back into old habit?! Not this time. This time I will stick to my practice routine

Blog

1. Stick to a schedule of a minimum two posts a week.

2. Take a social media marketing course.

I have a really bad habit of blogging in fits and starts, being “fairly” reliable with my posting, and then dropping off the radar for weeks on end. If I want to take this blog further, I really need to crack down and be better at disciplining myself. I have plans for this blog, and I intend to knuckle down and get them done this year.

Finances

1. Have £500 in my savings account.

2. Have a safety buffer of an additional £150.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am shit with money. As in God awful, probably going to have to change my name and move to Panama to avoid the banks kind of awful. Budgets do not exist in my eyes. I make one, then see something in a sale, and boom! Entire budget up in smoke. My finances have been improving over the last few months out of extreme necessity. It got seriously close to Panama time just before Christmas. However, I am now employed, with steady(ish) income, so hopefully things can only be looking up for my not so thrifty self.

Health

1. Attend the gym at least once a week.

2. Drink at least 1 litre of water a day.

I am not a healthy person. In any way, shape or form. I eat what I want (usually McDonald’s or something similar) whenever I want,  I really struggle to grasp the concept that exercise needs to be done more than once to be beneficial, and to be honest I get out of breath walking from the train station to uni. It’s a 6/7 minute walk. It’s pathetic.

My new health kick, however, is born out of necessity. My voice is growing and becoming stronger,  and I’m beginning to lack the stamina to keep up with it. An entire lesson spent singing full voice knackers me for the rest of the day, and that is not the greatest way to start a sustainable career.  So, I have given my fate over to Katie, the maddest gym rat I know. She may torture me, break me and run me into walls, just so long as she helps me improve my fitness and stamina. Without killing me, I hope.

Relationships

1. Set aside an hour a week for self-care.

2. Journal 3 times a week at minimum.
I know these goals may seem a little odd and self-centred, but I do have a reason for putting my very selfish goals into the relationship category. My relationship history is, well, non-existent, and, after much thinking and confusion and discussion with friends, I have come to a conclusion. There’s clearly a common denominator in any and all interactions I have with the opposite gender, and that denominator is me. And so I have decided to take some time away from my search for my better half, and spend some more time soul searching instead; spend some more time getting to know myself and improve myself before I thrust the hot mess that is myself upon some poor, unsuspecting young gentleman.

Although, if he comes along whilst I’m soul searching… well, I wouldn’t say no.