Tag: Relationships

Do I Have High Standards in Relationships?

relationships high standards

I’m going to let you in on a well-known secret;

I have never been in a relationship. Never. Not one. If you took a look at my dating history it probably looks a little bit like this…

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Yah. To be honest there’s more action in that GIF than there is in my love life.

But I digress.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time in my teenage years believing there was something very wrong with me because everyone had been in a relationship of some form or another and then there was me.

 

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As an INFP, love, and a strong relationship that builds me up and supports me, is something truly very important to me, and so for years my inability to make that special connection with someone was really, really hard for me, and meant that for years I had some serious issues with my self esteem. Yes, I know its a little cliche to have based my self-worth on men but hey, I was a hormonal, angsty teenager. I’m allowed to be a sad individual!

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Now that I’m a little older and wiser (and grouchier) I understand that a man’s love, and men in general, do not have anything to do with your self worth. I am a strong, independent woman who just really wants someone to cuddle.

I call myself a realistic dreamer (which really isn’t a thing, but I’ve decided it is so…) and although I want the fairy tale, with all the romance and the Prince Charming and the true love, I know that doesn’t really exist. Real relationships take work, but the work is what makes it fun, and I am looking forward to the chance to put in that work with another person. Mind you, if he ain’t putting in the work then he be out on his ass.

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Queen B!!

When I talk to my friends and family about relationships and my lack of, I usually get one of two responses;

“It’ll just happen one day. One day you’ll meet someone and it’ll all make sense”

or

“Maybe your standards are too high.”

Damn right my standards are high! I am fabulous, a queen who can handle any and all shit that life throws at me. Why in the hell should I ‘lower’ my standards to pick up some weak ass I’m gonna have to drag around after me. My high standards have nothing to do with your inability to keep up with me and my dreams and ambitions. Yes, I would quite like to make a genuine connection with someone, but I am not that desperate for any kind of connection that I’ll settle for a crappy, half-arsed relationship just to find it.

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With regards to the former piece of sage advice – I do agree. I do wish that it would perhaps happen a little sooner, but unlike my younger, more desperate self, I am now content to be a badass career woman with ‘ridiculously high standards’ and carry on being a Queen and building up my kingdom until someone comes along with King potential. Well, maybe consort potential. Ain’t nobody getting my throne.

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Tell me ladies, have any of you been told you have high standards? Anyone any other input, or sassy retorts to those mere mortals in awe of our high standards of greatness?

high standards in relationships

Still waiting…

Hi guys,

I wrote in last weeks goals post that some of my goals were to spend some time “finding” myself. I had put them into the relationships category of my goals, because I’ve come to the conclusion that my non-existent love life probably stems from me not really being ready or knowing myself properly, so therefore send out all the wrong signals, so spending a little time getting to know me might help me “get to know” someone else. And I do stand by what I wrote last week.

However, taking time to be alone and single and wait for “the one” to get his arse in gear and show his face is all well and good, but I do have some major issues with this plan.

First off, I am not a patient person . Waiting is not something I am good at. Never has been. So waiting for something that may happen at some undetermined point in the future really is actually quite difficult.

Secondly, I am terrified.

If you ask me what it is I want in life, my honest answer is not “to have lots of money” or “have a successful career”, it’s to be loved. And not loved in the way that you’re by your mother or father or brother. I want that special, butterflies in your stomach, tingly, one of a kind love you get from loving that someone special.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.

I am terrified that I will live the entirety of my life without feeling of joy that I see my friends in relationships have.

I know the likely of that happening is actually pretty slim, but it’s a niggly wee voice in the back of my head, rabbiting away in the quiet moments. And it does get to you after a while.

But I am determined to ignore it, and get on with living my life, and believe wholeheartedly that when I least expect him, “the one” will come wandering around the corner, and maybe we’ll have the romantic movie meeting with the bumping and the music dropping and the magical eye contact. Gives me a reason for dropping my music all the time. I’m not clumsy, just trying to find me a man.

My Goals for 2017

Hi guys,

New year, new me, right? That’s how the saying goes, isn’t it? I think it works better as Old year, Old problems. I see the New Year as more of a time to reset and leave the bad things behind,  than as a time to add more new “better” things to the pile of things going on in my life, without dealing with and getting rid of any issues accrued over the past year. Focussing on improving things, without reviewing or refreshing, seems a little counter-intuitive to me, because all you’re really doing is leaving the bad things to fester and sour, and come up and bite you in the arse at some point throughout your new year, meaning that all those “improvements” you’ve made will all go to waste. You’ve brought your old problems into the new year, so that new you is pretty much the same as old you, right?

That being said, you do need some good things to add in and look forward to, otherwise we’d all just be sitting complaining that we’re getting nowhere and life is shit, and who in their right mind wants that? Not me anyway.

Goal setting does have its benefits, and it’s fun, so I do enjoy setting a few wee goals here and there. It’s a nice little guide that gives you an idea of how you’d like your year to go and the path you’d like to follow. For me, though, goal setting does tend to just be a five-minute exercise that I forget about like an hour later and so spend the rest of the year just wandering about aimlessly, feeling lost, confused and like I’m not really getting anywhere.

But no more!

This year,  this 2017, I am making plans I intend to stick to. I’m telling you guys about them, so hopefully you guys can guilt trip me into keeping to them. I have a feeling that it’s something I really can do this year.

Career

1. Do my vocal warm up exercises every day.

2. Have music off copy after the second week learning it.

I sometimes find myself to be a bit of a contradiction; I want to be the best and to work hard and do well,  but never ever seem to find the motivation to put in the work required to achieve these things. I spend little time in the practice room, and then wonder why I get no better, then spend every day in a practice room, get better, have an epiphany, and then just slip back into old habit?! Not this time. This time I will stick to my practice routine

Blog

1. Stick to a schedule of a minimum two posts a week.

2. Take a social media marketing course.

I have a really bad habit of blogging in fits and starts, being “fairly” reliable with my posting, and then dropping off the radar for weeks on end. If I want to take this blog further, I really need to crack down and be better at disciplining myself. I have plans for this blog, and I intend to knuckle down and get them done this year.

Finances

1. Have £500 in my savings account.

2. Have a safety buffer of an additional £150.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am shit with money. As in God awful, probably going to have to change my name and move to Panama to avoid the banks kind of awful. Budgets do not exist in my eyes. I make one, then see something in a sale, and boom! Entire budget up in smoke. My finances have been improving over the last few months out of extreme necessity. It got seriously close to Panama time just before Christmas. However, I am now employed, with steady(ish) income, so hopefully things can only be looking up for my not so thrifty self.

Health

1. Attend the gym at least once a week.

2. Drink at least 1 litre of water a day.

I am not a healthy person. In any way, shape or form. I eat what I want (usually McDonald’s or something similar) whenever I want,  I really struggle to grasp the concept that exercise needs to be done more than once to be beneficial, and to be honest I get out of breath walking from the train station to uni. It’s a 6/7 minute walk. It’s pathetic.

My new health kick, however, is born out of necessity. My voice is growing and becoming stronger,  and I’m beginning to lack the stamina to keep up with it. An entire lesson spent singing full voice knackers me for the rest of the day, and that is not the greatest way to start a sustainable career.  So, I have given my fate over to Katie, the maddest gym rat I know. She may torture me, break me and run me into walls, just so long as she helps me improve my fitness and stamina. Without killing me, I hope.

Relationships

1. Set aside an hour a week for self-care.

2. Journal 3 times a week at minimum.
I know these goals may seem a little odd and self-centred, but I do have a reason for putting my very selfish goals into the relationship category. My relationship history is, well, non-existent, and, after much thinking and confusion and discussion with friends, I have come to a conclusion. There’s clearly a common denominator in any and all interactions I have with the opposite gender, and that denominator is me. And so I have decided to take some time away from my search for my better half, and spend some more time soul searching instead; spend some more time getting to know myself and improve myself before I thrust the hot mess that is myself upon some poor, unsuspecting young gentleman.

Although, if he comes along whilst I’m soul searching… well, I wouldn’t say no.

Where Would I Be Without You?

Hi guys,

Now those of you who know me today may find this hard to believe, but when I was younger I had some serious confidence and self-esteem issues. An early bloomer, I always felt that my body looked ‘weird’ compared to my other female  friends, and I was always bigger than them, which meant I permanently felt wrong and out-of-place. A true introvert, I also prefer my own company to that of others, that’s something that hasn’t really changed, but before I would actively look to spend time alone. I didn’t feel ugly on my own.

But a few years ago I met two beautiful young women who have completely changed who I am and how I feel in my own skin, and I will forever be eternally grateful to them.

I have to admit, I don’t actually remember the days I actually met Kerry or Katie. It just feels like they’ve always been there. Always there, building my confidence, making me feel more comfortable in me, turning me into the mad monster you see today.

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In the company of my girls I feel invincible. I don’t care who likes me or who doesn’t, because I know they’re always there to pick me up when I fall down, as I will always be there to do for them. I can tell them anything, and know that they feel comfortable to do the same. Some conversations Kerry and I have had have occasionally bordered on the over sharing spectrum, but that’s why we have best friends. I have cried with laughter more frequently than I’ve had hot dinners with Katie, she just always seems to know what to do to cheer me up.

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This will forever be my favourite photo of them!

These girls mean the world to me, and I am so lucky to have them in my life. They’ve shaped such a great deal of my life so far, and I hope they continue to do so for a very, very long time to come.

What about you guys? Do you have people in your life who you feel have shaped who you are?